Something different

For those of you expecting another scintillating blog on digestive issues, today is a bit of a changeup. April 25th is Parental Alienation Awareness Day. First observed in 2005, this global event was initiated to spread the word about parental alienation (PA) and the effect it has on both children and their alienated parents.

What does this have to do with Gastroenterology, GI Guy? Well, nothing, really. But please, please, stick with me today. This will be a short post on a subject this is very important to me and many, many others around this world.

Have you heard of parental alienation? Maybe, you say? Isn’t that where one parent “turns the kids” against the other? Well, like most things, it goes deeper than that. PA is defined as a family situation in which a child, whose parents are involved in a high-conflict marriage (usually ending in divorce) rejects one of the parents for NO LEGITIMATE REASON. This last point is very important. Parental alienation is a result of the behavior and decisions of the alienating parent (AP). There is a complicated psychology involving the AP and his/her children. The targeted parent ends up being caught in the crosshairs. The kids are used as pawns, and there are long term implications for all involved.

Why would one parent do this against the other, against their own children? It’s more than just being vengeful. Severe alienation is a psychiatric condition, and the alienating parent often has narcissistic or borderline personality disorder. I’m not making this shit up, people. Let me introduce the PASG.

The Parental Alienation Study Group is composed of psychiatrists, psychologists, attorneys, social workers and parents dedicated to objectively analyzing this disorder and then helping those affected. Behavioral scientists have agreed on criteria to diagnose PA, the Five-Factor Model (1):

Factor One: the child actively avoids, resists or refuses a relationship with a parent,
Factor Two: presence of a prior positive relationship between the child and the now rejected parent,
Factor Three: absence of abuse or neglect or seriously deficient parenting on the part of that parent,
Factor Four: use of multiple (seventeen) alienating behaviors by the favored parent (2),
Factor Five: exhibition of many or all of the 8 behavioral manifestations of alienation by the child (3).

I said I would keep this short, so I won’t get into the specific behaviors of the alienating parent and the kiddos mentioned above. I have included references if you are interested. I just want to demonstrate the powerful science behind parental alienation and the progress that has been made since the concept was first published in 1985. Is it controversial? Yes, it is. Are there people who lie under oath, or make up stories to their own advantage? Yes, there are. We are dealing with attorneys and the entire family law cottage industry. But let me be clear- parental alienation is very real. And it is commonplace in every country and society around the world. And it sucks.

Children who grow up alienated from a parent tend to have issues with trust and subsequent relationships (2). Not to mention missing out on the unique parent-child loving connection that many families take for granted.

Targeted parents are left wandering a barren horizon with no end in sight. The anguish of an alienated parent has been likened to experiencing the death of a child, but with no closure. And yet, there is always the possibility of reunification. “Holding on to hope, when there is no hope to speak of” (4).

Thank you for listening. I’ll be back on the GI train next time.

References

1. Bernet W. Introduction to parental alienation. In: Lorandos D, Bernet W, eds. Parental Alienation- Science and Law. Springfield, IL: Charles C Thomas; 2020.

2. Baker A. Adult children of parental alienation syndrome: Breaking the ties that bind. New York, New York: WW Norton; 2007.

3. Baker A, Darnell D. Behavior and strategies of parental alienation: A survey of parental experiences. Journal of Divorce and Remarriage: 45 (1/2), 97-124; 2006.

4. George Michael, “Praying for Time”, Columbia Records; 1990.